ሰዎች ለምን ይቅርታ አይጠይቁም?

ይቅርታ በልጅነታቸን ከምንማራቸው እና በህይወት ዘመናችን ከምናዘወትራቸው ነገሮች አንዱ ነው፤ ሆኖም አንዳንድ ሰዎች ካጠፉ በኋላ ይቅርታን ለመጠየቅ ያመነታሉ ወይም ከነጭራሹኑ አይጠይቁም ይለናል ዶ/ር ጋይ ዊንች፡፡ ይቅርታ መንገድ ላይ ስንሄድ ሳናየው ለምንገፋው ሰው ከምንላት sorry እስከ የልብ ወዳጃችንን ላይ ከባድ ጥፋት አጥፍተን እስከምንጠይቀው ልባዊ ይቅርታ ድረስ ይዘልቃል፤ ያም ሆኖ ግን በብዙ ዓይነት ሰበቦች ሰዎች ይቅርታ መጠየቅ አይፈልጉም ይህንንም በተለያዩ ሳይኮሎጂካዊ ምክንያቶች ሲያስረዳ ፡-

1.ይቅርታን መጠየቅ እና አጥፍቻለው ማለት ለአንድንድ ሰዎች እጅግ በጣም አስቸጋሪ ነው፤ ይህም የሚሆንበት ምክንያት እነዚህ ሰዎች ጸባያቸውን ከድርጊታቸው (ባህርያቸው) መለየት የሚያስቸግራቸው ስለሆነ ነው፡፡ የሆነ መጥፎ ነገር ከሰሩ እራሳቸውን እንደ መጥፎ ሰው ይቆጥራሉ፤ አልያም ከተሳሳቱ እራሳቸውን አንደ አላዋቂ መይም መሃይም ይቆጥራሉ፤ ስለዚህ ለእነዚህ ሰዎች ይቅርታ መጠየቅ ስለማንነታቸው እና ስለ እራስ ግምታቸው (self esteem) የሚደቀን አደጋ ነው ማለት ነው፡፡

2. ይቅርታ መጠየቅ ለእነዚህ (ለሚጠይቁ) ሰዎች የጸጸትን በር ይከፍታል፤ በአንፃሩ ደግሞ ይቅርታን ለማይጠይቁት ደግሞ የእፍረትን በር ይከፍታል፡፡ ጸጸት ጥሩ ስራን ካልሰራን ስለ ድርጊታችን መጥፎ ስሜት እንዲኖረን ሲያደርግ እፍረት ደግሞ ስለ እራሳችን እና ማንነታችን አሉታዊ የሆነ ስሜት እንዲሰማን ያደርጋል፤ ይህም እፍረትን እጅግ በጣም መርዛማ ያደርገዋል፡፡

3. ብዙዎቻችን ይቅርታን የወደ ፊት ግንኙነቶችን ለማጠናከር እንደ መልካም አጋጣሚ ስናየው ይቅርታ መጠየቅ የማይፈልጉ ሰዎች ጋር ደግሞ ይቅርታ ማለት ተጨማሪ ግጭቶችን እንደሚቀሰቅስ ችግር ነው የሚታየው፤ አንዴ ጥሩ ያልሆነ ስራቸውን ከተቀበሉ እና ይቅርታ ካሉ ሌላው ሰው ተጨማሪ ቅሬታዎችን እና ይቅርታ ጠያቂው ደካማ ነው የሚል ስሜትን ይፈጥራል ብለው ያስባሉ፡፡

4. ይቅርታ የማይጠይቁ ሰዎች ይቅርታ ከጠየቅን ሙሉውን ኃላፊነት እኛ እንወስዳለን በዚህም ሌላው አካል ከተጠያቂነት ይድናል ብለው ይገምታሉ፤ ለምሳሌ ከፍቅር አጋር ጋር በሚኖር ግጭት ይቅርታ ከጠየቅን ሌላው አካል የችግሩ መንስዔ በሙሉ ይቅርታ ጠያቂው ነው ብሎ ይወስዳል በማለት ሊገምቱ ይችላሉ፡፡

5. ይቅርታ ባለመጠየቅ ስሜታቸውን የተቆጣጠሩ ወይም ሌላው ሰው እንዳያውቀው ያደረጉ ሊመስላቸው ይችላል፤ ይቅርታ ሲጠይቁ ይህን የደበቁትን ወይም የተቆጣጠሩትን ስሜት ሁለተኛ አካል ያውቀዋል ብለው ስለሚገምቱ ይቅርታ ከመጠየቅ መቆጠብ ጥሩ አማራጭ ነው ብለው ያስባሉ፡፡

በተጨማሪም ይቅርታ መጠየቅ የማይፈልጉ ሰዎች እናዳሉም ይቅር የማይሉ ወይም ደግሞ ከአንገት በላይ ይቅር የሚሉ ሰዎችም እልፍ ናቸው፡፡ በሰው ልጅ መስተጋብር ውስጥ ይቅርታ መጠየቅ እና ይቅር ማለት የነበሩ፣ ያሉ እና የሚኖሩ ሁነቶች ናቸው፣ ምክንያቱም ዓለም የሁለት ተቃራኒ ሀይሎች ሙሌት ናት፡፡ፍቅር እና ጥላቻ፣ ደስታ እና ሀዘን፣ ማግኘት እና ማጣት፣ መውጣት እና መውረድ…. እንደ አንጓ እና መለልታ ከምናስበው በላይ ቅርብ ለቅርብ ሆነው የሚኖሩ ሁነቶች ናቸው (መረቅ፣ 2007)፡፡ ስለዚህም የሰው ልጅ በአንድ ላይ ሲኖር በሰላምና በፍቅር መወዳጀት እንዳለ ሁሉ በመጠላላትና በቂም መኖርም አለ፡፡ ሆኖም ግን ብዙዎቻችን የማንረዳው እውነታ ጥላቻ፣ ቁጣና ቂም አዕምሮአችንን እያደነዘዙ የሚያዳክሙ አደንዛዥ ዕፆች መሆናቸውን ነው፡፡ በጥላቻ የተሞላ አዕምሮ መልካም ነገሮችን ማሰብ አይችልም፤ በቁጣ የተሞላ አዕምሮ አዳዲስ ሐሳቦችን አያፈልቅም፤ በቂም የተሞላ አዕምሮ አካልን አምራች አያደርግም፡፡ በጠቃላይ አዕምሮአችን በጥላቻ ፣ በቁጣና በቂም ከተሞላ የተመደበበትን ስራ ማከናወን አይችልም፡፡ ለዚህ መፍትሔው ደግሞ በሂደት የሚመጣ ሰላም ነው፤ ይህም ልባዊ ሆነ ይቅርታ መጠየቅና ይቅር ማለት ነው፡፡

ባልንጀራ፣ ጓደኛ፣ የትዳር አጋር፣ የቤተሰብ አባል እንዲሁም ፍቅረኛ ሊበድሉንና ሊያስቀይሙን ይችላሉ ሆኖም ግን ቅያሜያችንን እና ቁጣችንን በውስጣችን ቋጥረን በጥላቻና በቂም የምንኖር ከሆነ ሰላማችንን እናጣለን፡፡ ከልብ ይቅር ስንል ግን በዳያችን እኛ ላይ ኃይል አይኖረውም፣ በደሉንም ትዝ ብሎን ባሰብነው ቁጥር አያመንም ፣ከልብ ይቅር ስንል በዳያችንን ጠቀምን ማለት ሳይሆን ለእራሳችን ውስጣዊ ሰላም በማግኘት፣ ለለአዕምሮአችን እረፍት በመስጠት ውለታ መስራት ነው፡፡ ሳይኮሎጂስቶቹ ሎረን እና ጓደኛቿም በጥናታቸው ያገኙት ይህን ነው ከልብ ይቅር ስንል በህይወታችን እርካታን እያገኘን እንኖራለን ፤ በተበደልነው በደል ምክንያት የሚመጣን ስነ-ልቦናዊ ጉዳቶችን ደግሞ የማስተናገድ ዕድላችን ጠባብ ነው ፡፡ ምክንያቱም ይቅርታ ማድረግ የአዕምሮም የአካልምፈውስ ነውና፣ ስለዚህ ይቅርታ መጠየቅም ሆነ ይቅር ማለት ለእራሳችን ነው፡፡

ምንጭ: ዶክተር አለ(Doctor Alle)

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